I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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