saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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