The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
