you traded sex for a burrito?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
