I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
