Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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