I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
