I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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