don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
