i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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