Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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