yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
