girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
