And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so that wasnt chicken after all
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
