I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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