Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
