I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
