please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
