it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
