glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
