why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
