I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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