My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
