omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
