weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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