I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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