this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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