My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
