Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
