I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
