she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
