I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
