3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
