he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
