His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
