i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize