Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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