Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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