i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
