3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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