U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
