fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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