so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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