something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
3pm strippers are depressing
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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