Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
