Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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