It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
