I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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