i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Shame is for Republicans.
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