I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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