Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize