Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Terrible idea I love it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
