she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
