I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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