i think my tv is drunk
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to calm my uterus...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
