They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize