so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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