I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
